1,589 games. 1,105 won, 230 drawn, 254 lost. 4,001 scored, 1,235 conceded. Eleven clubs and a country. 103 awards. 11,298 days in the job. 1,006 of them on holiday. 8.9%. Wouldn't recommend it.
1st in the world Hall of Fame. 7,671. Guardiola 2nd on 7,411. Zidane 3rd. Ferguson 4th. The same list has me down for the 2026 Ladbrokes Championship with Falkirk.
31 years. One club. 1,543 games, 1,058 won. Total time in the job: 11,304 days. Time spent on holiday: 26. 0.23%. My assistant has raised this with me more than once.
Bundesliga and DFB-Pokal. Back to back. 1,543 games, 68% won. One club since 2019, in the town I was born in. Contract runs to 2052. Don't intend to need another one.
Club's all-time best eleven has been published. I signed all eleven of them. Thorup, 474 games, 343 goals. Castro, 350 and 259. Mazzuco, 108 from the right. Caruso, 364 in midfield and 102 goals. Sokolik, 433 at centre back. Samuel Viljanen played 546 times for me and isn't in it. 31 years. That's not a highlight reel, that's the list.
Bundesliga. DFB-Pokal. German Supercup. Fourth title in a row. 65,187 a game, 97% of the ground, 25 players used all season. Went out of Europe in the quarter-final to Leipzig. Have a guess which of those four things I've thought about most this week.
Dortmund in the final. 0-0. Penalties. 31 years at this club and I still had to turn round and look at the crowd instead of watching them.
Club World Championship retained. 2-1 against Norwich. In Italy. In July. Perra scored on 30 and then again from the spot in the fifth minute of added time, by which point I had aged out of the job. Norwich in a world final. Football has gone somewhere strange and I've been here the whole time.
Bundesliga champions. German Supercup as well. 30 years at this club. I genuinely can't tell any more whether the ones that mean the most are the trophies or the seasons we stayed up.
Bayern 2035 to 2039. United 2039 to 2041. Madrid since. France for four years in the middle of it, which I would not recommend doing alongside a club job. 1,468 games. Five languages, and I've needed all of them.
Unbeaten. All season. In this league. Champions Cup, the league, the cup. I've been doing this since 2019 and I have never had a year where nothing went wrong. This was that year.
Man City in the final. Petit 31, van Loon in first half stoppage time, and Timms had one back by 75. 15 minutes of holding on to a European Cup. Didn't lose a league game all season either. 26 years ago I was at Partick Thistle.
Signal Iduna Park, 81,365 in, and we won 5-0 to take the title. Gjerde 43. Caputo 47 and 81. Thorup 80. Epstein 84. Away from home, on the day it was decided. 74 points. Leipzig 73. One point across 34 games and nine months. Bayern finished 6th.
1,400 games. Kaltenbach has told the press that everything that happens at this club comes from me. 15 league titles. 34 cups. German Head Coach of the Year eleven times. I was 20 when I walked in here and had no idea what I was doing. Fairly confident I've worked most of it out since.
Champions of Europe. Paris 2 Madrid 3. Anderson 21. They turned it round before half time through Abstein and Barasoain and for twenty minutes it was going away from us. Ambrosino 53. Perra from the spot on 88. Also my last summer with France. Four years doing both jobs at once, which I wouldn't recommend and wouldn't hand back either.
1,200 games. They've run a piece on it before France play Greece. It lists the whole lot. Dumbarton, November 2019. Stenhousemuir. Partick. Falkirk. Rangers. Leverkusen for nine months. Arsenal for eighteen. I'd forgotten Stenhousemuir was even on there.
Team of the Season is out and ten of the eleven are ours. Moreno in goal. Ricci, Zandbergen, Anderson, Castillo, Biondi across the back. Daniel and Moker in midfield. Perra and Bayram in front. Perra: 29 goals in 25 games, 8.00 average. Bayram: 30 in 37. The one man in that eleven who doesn't work for me is Xavi Torres, and I have thought about that more than is reasonable.
France have offered me the job. $4,521,000 a year. They've also put in writing that the European League Div. A "isn't high on their list of priorities" and that they'll judge me on the other competitions instead. So the brief is win things, just not that thing. I was born in Colmar. Obviously I'm saying yes.
1,100 games, all at one club. 11 league titles, 23 cups. German Head Coach of the Year eight times. December 2019: this board would not spend €15,000 on a coaching course for me. I've never brought it up with them. Not once.
Unveiled at Real Madrid. First question was whether this is a dream come true, given I support the club. I said I've dreamed of this moment for years, which is true and which I'd rather not have said out loud in a room full of journalists. One of the other options on offer was to say I need to be careful my love for the club doesn't affect my judgment. Also true. Glad I didn't pick it. 21 years ago I was in the Scottish second division wondering whether anyone would give me a second job.
